To ***Marla, beloved colleague

…trashbag lowlife slash skanky slithering closet queen.

Dear ***Marla,

It has come to my attention that you have set your gollum-like eyes on another prey. Normally, I don’t give a rat’s ass if you devour them in one sitting but this is different. You have set your eyes upon my boy toy slash eye-candy slash possible soulmate. Whatever happened to our first come, first serve rule?

I was informed by a very reliable source that every now and then you would barge into the room of my beloved and make some lame-ass-out-of-the-blue conversation. What the hell was that?

And to think that you are still in the denial. Please come out. It’s really really obvious as the sun shining brightly in the velvet sky. We cannot hide the fact that you bat your eyelashes whenever he’s around asking where are the log sheets? And please don’t try to steal **Regie’s boy toy too. Get your own lollipop. It’s very unwomanly of you.

It’s time that you move on and never look back lest you want to turn into a pillar of rock salt like Lot’s wife.

Sincerely,

J