Commonwealth, where precipitation is directly proportional to the amount of people getting robbed, held up or ran over.

Prior to moving to the unchartered  territory, I was blazing the busiest streets of Makati . That was circa 2005. Aaaah, yes, Makati . It’s where you occasionally bump into Starbucks-drinking Expats or simply scour your way out of a group of yuppies who are parking their overpaid asses along the sidewalks during yosi breaks. Yes, Makati where the fastest mode of transportation is brisk walking or via osmosis.

During job hunting, it is not advisable to wear your high heels as it will just bring so much  pain in your  calf muscles that you would wish  a.) You can manipulate time and space continuum or b.) have so much S appeal that you can rouse a random hot guy to carry you to the next loading zone (or if you’re that lucky score a free ride..HOORAY!)

But of course that would be like reaching for the stars because really in this day and age there are no such things as knights in shining red Ferraris ever ready to rescue you especially when the line in the MRT can be compared to that of the Eraserhead’s concert.

Hokay, moving forward , somewhere in the outskirts of C.W. is where the chorewhore gets her paycheck in exchange of Friday nights, weekends and at times her soul.

But other than that, C.W. is an alternate dimension where:

1. The land meets the sea (even if it’s just a 15-minute rain).
2. The sign  DO NOT CROSS should be taken seriously. Well, unless you want your bloody carcass to be broadcasted in 5 different channels nationwide then by all means do as you please.
3. The foul stench of dried urine in the early morning can certainly jumpstart your day. Who needs coffee? I don’t.
4. Drag queens are fairy godmothers and I am a cheerleader doing star jumps. Yes, they only happen in Twilight Zone.
5. Convenience stores are outside a 5 mile radius. You can starve to death without seeing the light of day ever.
6. Vultures exist and can devour you because the nearest convenience store is  outside a 5 mile radius.
7. You still hear echoes.
8. A not-so-concealed nuclear weapon disguises itself as a gigantic ostrich egg awaiting the perfect timing to obliterate all mankind. (Ho sheez, I’m watching too much sci-fi).
9. Rallies are like mosh pits you are tempted to jump into.
10. It’s where I mutter in sheer disgust “HOME SWEET, HOME”.