Coñologs: The Origins

Now kids let me tell you the story about one road trip we had last February 19, 2009. Yes, it’s one of the best trips I had with Prinz, Ron, Ariane and Raph. It’s an 8 hour drive home and you have three options:

1. Sleep

2. Pick a color and count the number of cars in that color that comes a long the way.

3. Do spontaneous song numbers.

When you are the one in the back seat, you have a sole responsibility to keep the designated driver (Raph) stay focused on the road! And yes we did that with flying colors. Heck, we’re still here telling you this story aren’t we? Anyway, I am not quite sure how we end up having this conversation but as I recall we were talking about education and the masses. See, we also come up of intellectually stimulating conversations from time to time.

First off a primer in the Philippine caste system. Class,what do we call the filthy rich people again? Conyos, Konos, or Coños? And how about the rest who live below the poverty line? Aren’t they called Jologs, JLos, etc. ? I don’t want to be hypocritical about this, don’t get me wrong. I am in no place to judge and label people. But for the sake tomfoolery, I am sharing you this post and well, let’s try to live a little shall we?

Moving on, since we have classified the two already, how do we call does in the middle ground? What if you’re not part of the Gucci Gang nor a member of the 6cyclemind Society of the Philippines? Where do you put yourself? Simple. You are a hybrid! You are (drumroll plz) a COÑOLOGS !! Based on empirical studies you’ll know if you are one if:

1. Not all your clothes are branded. They either come from local departments stores or in Greenhills. If your midyear bonus permits, some came from those branded sections. On certain occasions, you hoard a reasonable number of them (probably on sale). A noted few came from your relatives in the States wherein they are usually 2-3 sizes bigger. They either got if on sale or think that you still weigh as much as you were in high school.

2. You don’t have blonde highlights. Normally, this is self-explanatory. But the sake of education, you dye your hair based on your mood, horoscope or on the astrological calendar and not merely to disown your nationality.

3. Your CD rack (if you still have one) has variety. It’s does not mainly consist of your Salbakuta - Gloc9 collection. You also have the classics such as Sampaguita, Aegis, Juan dela Cruz Band or the Beatles. Your taste in music is eclectic. You appreciate song with lyrics.

4. You commute! Yes, you do you little grease monkey! You rub elbows with everyone everyday. You inhale the sweet savory scent of sweat. Commuting does not include riding the cab, though.Sorry Ron : ( 

5. You are aware that DV is short for Divisoria and not just some OPM song. Also, you shop there and you were not mistaken for some tv personality or artistah! Tse!

6. You’ve been mugged or at least attempted at once in your third-world existence. Some douchebag tries to make money out of you. This is in relation to # 6.

7. You don’t call your house help YAYA or ATCH (short for Atchay). You address them by their first name or say ATE or KUYA. Better yet you don’t even have one.

8. You are aware that a BETAMAX is edible. You know what and where a HEPALINE is.

9. For you a joint is a part of the body and coke is something you drink and not sniff.

10. You have one or none at all of the following: 1.] MACbook Pro 2.] Iphone/Ipod (latest model) 3.]SLR camera 4.] 3G-capable phone 5.] high-speed internet access 6.] facebook.

11. If necessary, you speak in straight english. You have mastered how to combat NOSEBLEEDING.

12. You don’t use dude, pare, chong, or man in one sentence. On a rarity, you use sis, bro or girl.

13. You’ve seen at least one JOHN LLOYD CRUZ movie in the theater or was in the premiere night of SUPER NOYPI asking for JOHN PRATTS’ photo to be taken with you.

14. You can fake an accent. AMBOT saimo!

15. You did not vote for Erap or Prospero Pitchay for that matter.

Scoring:

1-5  -  Super Jologs/Cono - You are at the extremes.  Be wary. You might get stabbed in the next stop.

6-15 - You simply belong! *Apir* 

Ok. You can throw the rocks now! Bye!