The Road to Perdition: A 90 day Battle over Self - Control

If my memory serves me right, I was 8 years old when a playmate of mine (stupid crud by the name of CJ), asked me if I was carrying a child. He was referring to my bloated tummy. I honestly answered NO. But he digressed. I did not recall if I tried to defend myself. The last memory of the conversation was me shouting for my dad and my playmate running for his dear life.

Looking back,I realized that he was just being the mean crud that he is. He was trying to displace his own self-esteem problems to others. Yes, he’s an illegitimate child, his sisters both got knocked up during high school and yes, his mother is a filthy whore. Poor, kid.The cruel banters and ridicules pertaining to weight continued - not only from him but from the rest of his moronic posse. Most of the other playmates that I have who happen to be girls were not as pleasantly plump as I am, therefore I was singled out. In fact, I am the only fat girl in our family. Hmmm, perhaps I carry the fat gene or I might be adopted. *unsure*

Of course during those formative years, a good defense mechanism would be to throw rocks at kids who shout Taba! (50x) to you while you are playing hopscotch. Although, not very advisable, you can also try to set their hair on flame. Kids younger than you including your cousins should be excempted to the rule–but of course sometimes self-control will not allow you to let them escape your wrath.

It was only in high school that I came to realize that one’s wellness (meaning your over-all appearance), does gauge your likeability and your likelihood to be treated as a person. Superficial, I know. Take for instance, Prom. I don’t know what in God’s name made me decide to actually starve myself(must be the excessive endorphines at that time)—partaking in a grueling after six diet just to fit in that off-shoulder prom dress. Miraculously, it worked. Though in the end I learned a very valuable lesson. It’s just PROM!! 

Yes–the height of superficiality and all else that is giddy, peaks during H/S. But after that, everything else plummets. Your level of diminishing and sometimes even virtually non-existent self-esteem is affected by the number of under-aged high school classmates getting knocked up even before graduation. I secretly wished that right after giving birth they would weigh thrice the weight they had before carrying their bag of litter. Selfish, I know.

Entering quarter life draws you to introspect - of things that you should and should have not done.  Seemingly harmless signs such as a little kid in the MRT chanting TABA-TABA-CHING-CHING while cunningly eyeing at you can be a rude awakeinng. It also makes you realize of pressing situations such as your health risks. And judging by my family history of heart failures and insulin-deficient gene problems, it makes me even more more excited to enter the gates of Limbo.

Plan A  -  Reckless Endangerment a.k.a FML

Lesson learned: Reckless Self-Endangerment could be your plan A.  Plan A is actually your control–meaning you will not exert any effort because hey, you’ve always been pushing for it your whole life. Plan B is to undergo an overhaul–that is to make yourself better INSIDE and OUT (in a semi-superficial way). Of course, who wouldn’t want to get compliments and be able to say these lines “The last time I weighed this much was when I was in grade 4″. No, it will not involve cosmetic surgery (well unless somebody will care to sponsor it….why not). Yes, it will be a MIND-OVER-MATTER technique, something that might involve blood lose and endless days and nights of self-flagellation. Something that will be grueling to the point that just a mere whiff of roasting meat can resurrect the gluttonouse monster in me.

So Plan B is to take a minimal detour. It does not intend to eradicate or to put your sweet tooth and binge-eating self to extinction. What it seeks to work on the cravings and let’s admit it ,the emotional eating must be avoided (if not totally eliminated, probably set to minimum like only on Valentine’s Day).

Today, at work as part of the Biggest Loser Challenge, participants were asked to seek medical clearance. The Nutritionist prescribed us ideal diet. Everything was set to the minimum in order for us to get through our ideal weight.

For a period of 4.5 months (although, the contest will run for only 90 days), here is my diet:

Carb/Starch: 1/2 c rice or 2 pcs. bread

Veg: 1/2 c cooked or 1 c raw

Fruit: 3 pcs.

Milk: 1 glass

Meat: 4 servings / 1 matchbox size

Fats: 4 tsp.

Sugar: 5 tsp.

Total Cal: 1500 KCAL/DAY

So you see with proper diet and exercise, we can all achieve our ideal weight. The hard part will be trying to convince yourself to stick to Plan B.

The goal is to loose as much as half your weight now. Bottomline, clean and boring living. Whatever happened to Carpe Diem and living on the edge?? Whatever happened to testing the limits of your alcoholic tolerance?? 

Living fast, dying young. That was the 20 year old shouting to the high heavens after graduation night.

The 24 year old self today wishes to reach 25 in order to see NINE INCH NAILS live in Concert and the attend her Bestfriend’s Wedding totally looking like a decent human being!! Hell yes! Given the proper motivation –which is the goal to reduce the risk of getting a heart attack in the process of giving your Maid-of-honor speech or while screaming my your lungs out at a concert, I might be able to pursue this. And as Barrack Obama once said ” YES, WE CAN!”.

  Plan B - Hell Yes! We Can (We’re all going there anyway!)

Final weigh yesterday Friday, March 27, 2009. *gulp*  In the spirit of camaraderie, I can only hope that I will not let the THIN TITANS down. This boat must not sink! It will try as much as it can to avoid the raging currents of the River Rhum and Sea of Singapore Sling. *hik*