An Eventful Day: 8.5.09

Today we bid our last goodbye to one of the pillars of democracy, our former President Corazon Aquino. The weather was gloomy and everyone wept for our beloved mother. Indeed, it will take a lifetime to realize that she has now joined our creator. Today, is my 25th birthday. The weather, together with the rest of the nation mourned. Gloom took over the mood for any jubilation. At some point, I almost believed my uncles when they said that I’m adopted. I mean when you’re a kid, you’d believe almost about anything from the tooth fairies to pink trolls under your bed.

But here’s one truth that’s hard to swallow. I was born same day, my great grandmother died. That’s why they named me after her. The same reason why at an early age of 3, I started carrying that smug on my face.

And today, I really don’t know which to carry, what emotion should I have because they’ll be burying former president Corazon Aquino. Should I be glad that I’ll be receiving double pay for coming to work this day? That NIN will be playing in Araneta and I don’t have a ticket? That the very first person to greet me is my dad with the usual message “Happy Birthday to my special daughter!”

I already had a bad feeling when my supervisor told me the day before that we’ll be pushing through with the meeting at 6pm today. My plan of hearing the mass was set aside, thinking that I will pray in my own time, at home while embracing the unit’s solemnity and at the same time thinking that “God is everywhere” so…. there. Ingrate, that I am. Tsk tsk tsk.

Since, I am assigned in the night shift, I had to wake up early for that meeting. It was still pouring hard but I made it on time only to find out that the said meeting was pushed back to 8PM. Had we been informed earlier, I would have fulfilled my duty as a non-practicing Catholic who only goes to mass during special occasions (at this point, yes I consider my day — as special because I am a “special” daughter).

Still, I just shrugged it off because I don’t want to ruin that day. However, at the meeting, another bomb dropped ( I do not wish to divulge the entire story anymore) and left me wondering if I am that ominous.  I mean really, why now? why not tomorrow or the next day?

So yes, when asked if I’m celebrating mine, I’d say what for?. Hey, I did not celebrate my 18^th birthday, what difference will this year make? Oh, hey wait, I know. It’s the make or break year. I remember my college professor (somewhat our advisor) laid down a timeline of his achievements and correlated it with the age that you should have accomplished it like by 24 you should have been done with your master’s, by 26 your Ph.D. and so forth.

 24, How can I sum up my 24^th year? I remember contemplating on getting a tattoo, giving up on living like a slob and basically trying hard to become a healthier individual and still an ongoing self-discovery positing on the million-dollar question “What will you be 5 years from now?”.

My cousin in the States kept nagging me on pursuing a medical career, supposedly the original plan.  My aunt wants me to be a humanitarian and join the United Nations volunteer program where I can be shipped to let’s say, Burma, Zimbabwe, Ghana or the People’s Communist Republic of North Korea. My dad wants me to be one with the universe and embrace whatever my destiny is – which makes me want to think that maybe it’s permission to either enter the nunnery or engage in pot session. I’d like to think it’s the latter.

My alter-ego, the one that dominates this part of the blogosphere feels otherwise.  The contemplation continues. Perhaps, I need to go on a walkabout. I can’t think straight (even when there’s no alcohol involved)! F-M-L.