Dead Brain Talking

Someone once told me that a person should write from the heart — because there lies the most wonderful story waiting to be written.

AHAHAHAHA. Can you believe how cheesy that person is? I want to shoot myself in the head  after hearing that. But seriously, how do you write from the heart. I mean DUH. I know that it shouldn’t be taken literally.

But I really I need to finish some writing assignment but I’m seriously swamped and the juices are clogged somewhere in my medula.  When I open MS World and see that blinking cursor, I feel like it’s taunting me. 

WALA. WALA. WALA. PANIS KA! WALA KA NAMANG MASULAT. CLICK THE X BUTTON, YOU WHORE!

The reason why I need to finish that assignment is that I am in dire need of cash. As they say, desperate times calls for desperate measures. And so far, writing is something I know I can do. I’m not actually brilliant or good at the very least but the operative word here is DESPERATION, whereas, in this day and age there’s this thing called KAPAL MUKS.  All you need to do is swallow the bitter pills called KAHIHIYAN and PRIDE and you’re all set.  Going for broke is the way to go. It’s time to put the barely-there self-confidence on the line.

Also a shot of tequila or rum may help. 

My mind is just so cluttered right now that I find it hard to concentrate on one single task. It’s so noisy here, the other voices inside my head competing for attention.  So many things to accomplish at the soonest possible time. My hands are tied. I want my MOMMY & DADDY!

Okay, the cursor is seriously give me the L finger. Must get on to then. Deadline is October 5. 

I’m counting on my pessimism that I will make it.

Out to Hunt

 Not for food because I have no hunting skills. DUH. In fact, I can pass as a boar so I’ll actually be the prey as opposed to being the predator. DUH. Also, it’s the 21st century and we’re not in Survivor Palau or wherever.

Today, we’ll try to look for a place to move in because our days are numbered in this comfort zone. So yeah, hopefully we’ll be able to make some reasonable adult decisions in the coming days based on the following:

1. Location must be midway between QC and Makati. The other housemate works in Makati. So we’re thinking of maybe Mandaluyong area.

2.  It must be under the reasonable budget (good for 2 people)  Brief recap: There were 4 of us. Then there’s By December, there will be 2 because the third person will soon enter another chapter in her life called “Marriage, Kids and Coitis (lots of it)”. 

3.  Must be within practical commuting zone, meaning I won’t need to ride the tricycle to get to the jeepney stop, take a jeepney to the bus stop, then take the bus to the MRT station, MRT to shuttle station going to the office and vice versa. 

4. Must have a private bath. The reason is the other housemate takes an hour to bathe. Don’t ask me. I’m not there. If worse comes to worst (due to financial restraints), we might agree to sharing an apartment with strangers providing that they are not equally or greater psychopaths as we are.

Independent living, yay or nay?! Good luck to us!

P.S. If you’re reading this and you know some place you can recommend. Please leave a comment. 

Slob Patrol

Don’t you just love long weekends when you are broke? You got lots of things to do without leaving the confined space that is called your home.  The essential options includes doing the grocery. But since you’re broke then the idea of having cereals and milk for breakfast will just remain…well, an idea.

You can do the laundry (because no one else would, of course), but you’re out of fabric softeners. One possible conclusion is that you forgot to buy them or you’re just flat ass broke that you denounce the very existence and availability of it.

The nonessential ones which would mean you not leaving the room or at least bat an eyelash would be to sleep, watching my fave tv series, read a book, and sleep (in any order you like) while the rest of the world (meaning the people you are leaving with eat, drink and be merry and oh watch korean novelas all day long).

I can’t believe that I slept more than I ate.  I got scolded for skipping breakfast and lunch because I was asleep and lazy and sulking all weekend. 

Because there’s something poetic about sulking and sleeping. It makes absolutely no sense but that’s just me right now.

And it’s Tuesday already, I’m supposed to love Tuesdays but currently I don’t because it’s just like Monday and I have to go back to work and open MS Excel again. Then by weekend, I can sulk again because I’ve reached September. September marks the ber months which means it’ll be Christmas anytime soon. And I hate Christmas not because I’m the anti-Christ or anything although that could be a possibility but I doubt because I’m actually docile and I haven’t pushed through my plans of world domination yet. Point is, Christmases around the world are nostalgic when in your 20 something. I actually stopped publishing my Christmas wish list since I dunno last year because I’ve come to realize that it’s pointless because elves and Santa doesn’t exist. No, scratch that actually I found out that Santa was my dad. So since he’s retired and all. Oh, go figure.

Besides that, there’ll be a lot of happenings in the next few months and I’m going borderline. 

So yeah, while I was sleeping over the weekend, I wasn’t really sleeping per se. I’m making a flowchart in my mind of the possible outcome of actions that I’m about to take. It’s like planning except when I was about to reach the end another realm opened and I was in my biology class when I was in college. REM beat me to it. And I end up dreaming about going back to school and getting stuck in the library doing my assignment.

In conclusion, I was really unproductive,broke and borderline lazy. Also, I need a shower. BRB.

The Morale of the Story

I learned so many things for the past 24 years of my existence. Some are brought about  by sheer ignorance and some through the painful indoctrination from the daughters of charity. Others from story books given by my Dad. Two important stories that I kept in mind would be the Little Red Riding Hood and the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Remember the ditzy girl who almost became a kosher meal because the cross-dressing wolf deceived her into thinking that he was her grandmother? No? Okay, that might be a spoiler.

Morale of the story is this:

1. Evil can cloak itself into something seemily harmless and pure. They will do anything to eat that cream pie in your picnic basket. That’s not a metaphor!

2. Always wear your contacts so you can see everything clearly. Or stop being naive.

3. Check if you’re talking to someone with opposable thumbs. You’ll never know. It also means be more sensitive.

4. Always bring a swiss knife. And I mean always. That means, work on your reflexes too. You might have a knife but it’ll be completely pointless when it’s used against you, now wouldn’t it?

5. The damsel in distress stunt is overrated. Thus, women are regarded to be weaklings and so are the rest of the fairytales.

Now moving on the PPH. Now, the Pied Piper is this guy who was summoned by the townsfolk because of the rat infestation. Thing is when he finally got rid of it and returned to get his bounty, the townsfolk refused to pay him. As a revenge, he began playing his flute luring the children away from their families and they were never found again.

Morale of the story:

1. Pay up, bitch. Yep, never ever leave your IOU card and hope that it won’t bite you in the back.

2. Don’t be an ingrate. If you can pay gratitude at least throw him a piece of bread or something. Don’t be a stiff dickwad.

3. Learn how to bargain. or at least try at gunpoint.

4.Don’t be the problem be the solution. Rat infestation? Clean up, why don’t you?!

5. Revenge is sweet.

So children, did we learn anything today?