Top 5: Creating Your KickAss Resume

Yes. Graduation Season. And Graduates, you are now officially threading in deep ocean water ( so to speak). Some of you would need it, if you’re not Paris Hilton or some stupid heir to a conglumerate of some sort. You, ingrate need a job and your passport is your resume. And as your designated, Person_Hell Officer  I would like to offer you some tips on your first step to conquer unemployment.

1. Keep it Brief - We don’t need your autobiography. Seriously, we don’t need to know you won some beauty pageant when you were 8 years old, you overachiever. Highlight your availability and contact details most especially.

2. Keep it Professional - Unless your line of business is the unprofessional twatting kind where your practical “skills” weighs more than anything else written on paper. That also means using the right font, because really although we think that Comic Sans is cute it’s really stupid when you use  it for your resume. And yeah, that photo should also be fixed. No studio pictures or cellphone je-je poses, Christ.

3.Be Honest - Although using flowery words might just impress future employers, they can also read bullshit. So keep it real.

4. Highlight Achievements - Because some employers siffs keywords that spells success, glory and fame. Yes, POWER too not just the smelly kind.

5. Presentation, Presentation - Place it inside a neat, clean simple folder or envelope. No, you’re not passing a project nor a thesis proposal.

So yeah, good luck twats. Open your MS Word and type away.