TOP 5: When Insults had Class

1. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop.

2.“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”  –Winston Churchill

3."There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."  —Jack E. Leonard

4. "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."  —Robert Redford

5. "You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."

–The Earl of Sandwich

"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."

–John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich

But wait, here's more 

25 signs that you have grown up

According to Lorla:

You are grown and responsible gentleman/woman when :

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up”.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”

What do you think? Is that you ?

how the grinch stole christmas

MANIAC MONDAY-  No wonder everyone hates Mondays. As if raging hormones is not bad enough because it's the first day of the week, it's also the time of the week where you get as many HITS but no SCORES. Sorry turds, I ain't that easy. I used to call it MANIC Mondays. It's like dragging yourself to the gates of hell.

TAE'NANG TUEDAY- What's worst that having a boss that suddenly goes M.I.A leaving all her shit behind and you to cover her ass? Please kill me before I kill her (literally or otherwise).

WANG-BU WEDNESDAY( It's craaaaazeeey!)- Do I look like someone from the LOST and FOUND section? I ain't your Momma, so quit asking me where's who and what. You're simply clueless because the fact is, you don't really have a clue!!! To make the matters worst, boss is still M.I.A. and rumormongers are spreading the word faster than  forest fire. MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!!

So you finally decided to get to the bottom of everything. Find your goddamn boss. We went to her residence. Her daughter told us we missed her. She left 30 minutes before we arrived. What a perfect timing! She told us she doesn't know of her AWOL. Great!  

TORTURE THURSDAY- Finally you're boss has resurrected from the depths of purgatory.With all the back log from the quick OPLAN: FIND YOUR BOSS, you're left with a pile of paper work and last minute preparations for the 50th anniversary and Christmas party.  It's the season to be fuckin' jolly… Hand me the bottle of VADKA!

FLUSTERED FRIDAY- Doomsday. The worst of  all days. You instantly get demoted to be an USHERETTE  slash PRODUCTION ASSISTANT slash RUNNER of the christmas party without even knowing the program flow. All this and more, you're running around with wearing heels. My feet hurts like a bitch. But who are you to refuse? Do you have a choice to whine? Hell no. And I didn't even get to win anything???  Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

Merry X'mas. Let's all soak our feet in deep dark CADBURY chocolate… 

coup’ de tekilla

What Curfew?  Friday night, we (Prinz, Ron and Me) went to BARRACKS, Tomas Moratho (or as Ron would like to pronounce it—THOMAS MORAHTHO). It was our first time to visit QUEZON CITY's night spots. We're Quezon City virgins. It was CLARISSA's (insert Bronx accent) birthday celebration. Funny thing is we haven't had the chance to ask when's her birthday (insert new yorker accent). Nevertheless, the night started with dinner. We went to SICILLIAN to grab a bite. We were supposed to meet the AVATARS  at BARRACKS, around 9:30-ish. Like the early birds that we are, by 10pm we were already in THOMAS MORAHTHO,waiting for our AVATARS. They came in "fashionably" late. Nevertheless, they are our AVATARS so it's worth the wait. So there, we entered BARRACKS holding each others hands–not knowing what's inside. Ok, first off, I think we're a little overdressed. But that's ok. Crowd-wise it was ranging from A-C. Booze started to pour in once we sat in our chairs.  Ate H ( or rather )— Madame Ambrose slash Helen the Loud ( Ronnie's Avatar) has once again reminded us that we're here to party so " C'man, Batams Up!". First the Margaritas then these TEKILLA shots in TEST TUBEs. Ay, Carramba! 

After  countless maragaritas and TEKILLAs, we went to ABSINTHE. Makati was dead. Most of the bars and restaurants were closed. We entered G3,  Ate A screamed "Party poopers!" and it echoed. You can almost hear the pin drop. So anyway, we continued with the party. We had the RUM Coke [or whatever] and danced the night away.

Come 2:30 a.m., we decided to adjourn, because later is another day. And Trillanes is too wasted for another a TEKILLA shot.

We'd like to thank Clarissa (bronx accent) for the free flowing booze, Aids for the grind and our Avatars for the laughs and the 80's dance moves.

Twas another blissful day. Hangover is just an inch away from kicking us BACK TO BARRACKS.

Lessons learned from Hiring and Firing

1. Hiring peak: January
2. There are no resignations for the month of December.
3. Everybody lies.
4. Typing speed is in WPM (Word per minute) not KPH (Kilometers per hour).
5. Always bring handkerchief during interviews.
6. A sweaty palm is a major turn off.
7. Gargle before you leave the house or keep a mint in handy
8. Lie, deceive, conceal and do whatever it takes to get them to sign the damn contract.
9. Answer questions as logical as possible e.g. Q: How do you want to be called? A: Yes, ma’am.
10. Never bad mouth your previous employer. Payback is a bitch.